Journey to food freedom, Part 3: I was afraid to eat!
It is true, I was afraid to eat, mainly carbs, specifically potatoes. Potatoes of all kinds. But why? I didn’t fear potatoes themselves, I feared they would make me gain weight, feel bloated, etc.
This was certainly not a healthy place to be in. In fact, whenever we find ourselves fearing food it should be a red flag. If you’ve been around awhile, you know how passionate I am about fueling our bodies with the most whole, one ingredient foods as possible. God gave us these foods to fuel our bodies for daily function. You also know that I am extremely passionate about not restricting any certain food group or avoiding foods for any reason other than it not serving your body well. ie: I choose not to consume gluten/wheat because it doesn’t make my body feel well. Likewise, consuming too much dairy also wrecks havoc on my digestion.
The kind of restriction I’m talking about here is the kind that comes out of fear. Or, the kind that makes us label ourselves because of certain food choices we make. Have you ever done that? “I was bad this weekend, I went out to eat with friends and had french fries, desert and a few drinks.” Been there, done that. And guess what? It felt gross to say the least! That made Monday a dreary day in my book. I felt like I had to “start over” with my healthy eating from time to time. It was like being on a bad roller coaster where you want off so bad but it never makes it to the finish line.
What I began to find was Monday felt heavy. I found myself restricting too much because I needed to compensate for some weekend choices. I felt as if I worked out longer than normal that day and only ate a little, I would be back on track. Don’t even get me started on the “working out longer” mentality. Working out shouldn’t be viewed as punishment for poor choices. Working out is much more than that. Not to mention, you can’t technically out work a bad diet.
I never saw myself to be unhealthy, I never went crazy off the rails over the weekend, I didn’t see myself to have a poor relationship with food and fitness. I wasn’t under weight or over weight. However, I did have all these thoughts surrounding food choices. I was in pursuit of becoming the smallest version of myself……only I also wanted to be the healthiest version of myself at the same time. My pursuit didn’t’t align with my heart. And that was scary.
I knew I had to turn this ship around. I knew fearing foods, carbs, fats, etc. was not a good place to be and knowing that turning 40 came with many other challenges and my body was changing. I don’t look the same as I did in my early 20’s, and that’s ok. The questions that were burning deep inside of me where these:
- Can I chase after my health and wellness goals, focusing on becoming the healthiest version of myself and still feel confident in my own skin?
- Can I experience food freedom and a healthy balance of a little fun/life/parties/holidays and still achieve this?
- Can I see myself as my creator sees me and find my self worth in HIM?
- Can I find the balance in being healthy and not obsessive?
- Can I bring Glory to God in my health journey?
My friend, YES.YOU.CAN!
It is possible! Everyones journey looks different. In fact, I love Lysa Terkeurst book, Made to Crave! She does a fabulous job at telling her story of Glorifying God in her health journey, specifically as it pertains to weight loss. This book was pivotal for me when I read it about 3 years ago. I couldn’t put it down.
Moving on, I won’t keep you much longer. To wrap this up, my health journey has really been about a 10 year run. So much has changed and shifted and while I never feel like I “have arrived”, I know now that I’m in a healthy place. I mean, I eat potatoes now, lol. For that, I am thankful. I’m thankful my own journey brought me to a place where I can help women find freedom in their very own journey. I’m thankful for resources, tools and strategies (macro tracking, you can read more about that HERE) that I’ve learned that have helped me develop a healthy relationship with food and fitness. Above all, I’m thankful for a heavenly father who loves me, pours grace on me and constantly reminds me that surrendering to Him is the most important part of all of this.
If this resonated with you, if you feel hopeless in the pursuit of your health journey…..lets connect. I would love to chat with you!